So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
