five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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