Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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