i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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