Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Porn is love you can see.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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