i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
