hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
