you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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