Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
