I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
