just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
