I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
