Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
