Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
