when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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