best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
