the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
