he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
