Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
