I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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