Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
