i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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