a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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