She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he thought i was a dude.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
