why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
