I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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