It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
