It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
