never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
