I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
