I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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