Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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