how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
