I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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