im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
