Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
