i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
zippers are such a cool invention
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
