..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We talked him into tasing himself.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
