They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
