how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
