I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Found the puke drawer
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
