well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
