my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
