I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
