what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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