The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
