i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
