your parents love me but you hate me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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