So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
