you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
