you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
